If you ask the average person on the street what meditation is all about, they’ll probably say something like, “It’s about sitting down and clearing your mind. Making it empty and quiet so you get all Zen-like or something.”

Given that just about everyone’s mind is an endless stream of jumbled thoughts, fears, dreams, hopes, worries, lusts, obsessions, and random curiosities, it’s easy to imagine the impossibility of Mental Emptiness and the high likelihood of Meditative Failure.

So, why on earth would anyone even bother sitting down to meditate when you’re guaranteed to lose the game?

You cannot fail at meditation. You cannot be bad at meditation. The only way to fail is to not meditate at all.

They bother because meditation isn’t actually about clearing your mind of thoughts at all. Meditation is about watching your thoughts as they pass through your mind. It’s about not attaching yourself to those thoughts, and noting that they’re like clouds in the sky. Wait a moment, and they’ll blow by.

This is important work, because the myth we all live by is that we ARE our thoughts. We think that the voice in our head is the voice of reason, and that everything it’s telling us about ourselves and the world is the gospel truth.

But really, it’s more like a chattering robot monkey, just wittering on about endless details of your life for no good reason other than that’s just what minds do.

Well, actually, there is a sort-of-good reason why our minds witter on. They’re trying to protect us. They’re trying to suss out potential sources of danger and keep us on alert.

It’s a terrible idea to hang out in your head arguing endlessly with your head-partner about what happened and telling yourself what an idiot you are for even getting together with them in the first place.

But, our minds tend to go overboard about it, and all that noise has a way of keeping us locked in a place of fear and anxiety, ruminating about the past and anticipating the future. None of which is very useful.

That’s not to say thinking itself is a bad thing to do. For example, if your partner has done something which upsets you, it’s a great idea to figure out what happened and how you’re going to talk to them about it.

However, it’s a terrible idea to hang out in your head arguing endlessly with your head-partner about what happened and telling yourself what an idiot you are for even getting together with them in the first place.

Then, you start imagining how bad life is going to be when you break up with them - or more likely when they break up with you. You tell yourself horror stories about going out in the dating pool again, and eventually realize that you’re going to end up living alone and die and be eaten by your cats before your half-consumed carcass is accidentally discovered because of the smell.

And by the way, what haven’t you exercised lately? You’re just so fat and lazy - which will at least make you better food for the cats. And how could you have forgotten to pick up the dry cleaning? Hey, would Eaten By Cats be a good band name?

The point of meditation is to observe that mental chatter when it’s happening, but then let it go and not identify with it, believe it, or follow it down the Path To Nowhere.

Then you lose a lot of sleep because you keep hashing all that out over and over and over again.

We’re so used to that kind of mental behavior that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Nor do we realize how unproductive it is, because it happens so automatically.

The point of meditation is to observe that mental chatter when it’s happening, but then let it go and not identify with it, believe it, or follow it down the Path To Nowhere.

The reality of meditation is that you’re always going to fall back into the chatter because that’s what our brains do.

Noticing that you’ve fallen in and pulling yourself back out is the practice of meditation. That’s pretty much it. There’s no way to fail at it!

Let me repeat that. You cannot fail at meditation. You cannot be bad at meditation. The only way to fail is to not meditate at all.

Remember that your emotional reactions are very similar to your thoughts and feelings. They aren’t you, and they will pass.

Of course there are countless meditative techniques, and they all work differently depending on your style and temperament.

One of my favorites is a practice I learned from my yoga teacher Christine Hoar, who learned it at The Himalayan Institute:

Step 1 - Take a Seat

Find a comfortable, upright, seated position - one you can easily hold for 5-10 minutes. If you can’t sit, it’s ok to lie down. Just try not to fall asleep. Close your eyes if you’re comfortable doing that. Breathe normally.

Step 2 - Pay Attention

Take some time and pay attention to what’s coming in from your senses:

• What can you hear?
• What light is coming in through your eyelids?
• What can you smell?
• What can you taste in your mouth?
• What does your clothing or the air feel like against your skin?

Step 3 - Body Scan

Bring your awareness to the crown of your head. Can you feel anything like tightness, itching, warmth, coolness, or any other kind of sensation?

If you’re experiencing a sensation you identify as uncomfortable - perhaps sharp or hot or tight or throbbing - place your attention and breath* directly on the sensation. Does it change after a few breaths? Does it intensify, weaken, move, or switch qualities?

Slowly bring your awareness down your head. Experience any sensations in the back of your head and your face. Is your jaw tight? Are you clenching your eyebrows?

Again, bring attention and breath to the places which loom large in your awareness.

• NOTE: Of course, you breathe with your diaphragm and lungs. You can’t literally breathe into the top of your head or your shoulder or your leg. But, you can imagine breath moving into any place in the body. Generally, when you do that, you will bring some physical movement - and therefore energy - to that place. This can help release tightness and ease discomfort.

Continue bringing your awareness down through your whole body, and repeat the process of bringing attention to the places which are waving a Flag Of Sensation.

Remember that experiencing physical sensations and their release might also be accompanied by an emotional response.

Allow any emotional responses to arise and pass away. Treat them with tenderness and curiosity. Everything is welcome.

Don’t give yourself a hard time when the thinking starts again. It always does.

If you find yourself judging your emotions (or yourself for having them), say to yourself, “Oh, look! That’s a judgmental thought.” And then let it go.

Remember that your emotional reactions are very similar to your thoughts and feelings. They aren’t you, and they will pass.

The caveat here is that if you have unprocessed or active trauma, meditation, breath work, and physical release can actually trigger a trauma response. If that’s the case for you, be sure to check with a mental health professional before starting a meditation practice.

You can repeat the Body Scan several times, allowing yourself to release more physical tension with each pass through your body.

Step 4 - Counting Breaths

Place your awareness at the tip of your nose, feeling your breath pass gently in and out your nostrils. This gives your mind a point of focus.

To give your mind even more to do, begin silently counting each inhale and exhale from 1-5 and back again. The count will go:

• INHALE - 1
• EXHALE - 2
• INHALE - 3
• EXHALE - 4
• INHALE - 5
• EXHALE - 5
• INHALE -4
• EXHALE -3
• INHALE - 2
• EXHALE -1

Remember, you’re just imagining the count, rather than doing it aloud.

When your mind starts thinking again, and you lose the count (I guarantee you this will happen), just notice that you’re thinking and begin the count again.

After a few minutes, you’ll settle into the rhythm of the count a bit more - though don’t give yourself a hard time when the thinking starts again. It always does.

Step 4 - Mantra

Once you’re feeling a little more grounded in the count, you can do the last step, which is to start an internal mantra. Again, this will be imagined rather than spoken aloud.

There are many kinds of mantras, and some meditation practices - like Transcendental Meditation - are exclusively based in them.

In this case, you’ll be using the Sanskrit phrase, “So Hum,” which means, “I am that.” In Vedic philosophy it means you are identifying yourself with the universe or ultimate reality, rather than your individual ego.

As with the count, the mantra happens on your breath:

• INHALE - So
• EXHALE - Hum
• INHALE - So
• EXHALE - Hum

Try to imagine the syllable lasting as long as the breath, so it’s more like:

• INHALE - Soooooo
• EXHALE - Huuummm
• INHALE - Soooooo
• EXHALE - Huuummm

Again, if you find yourself riding the thought train, just note it and go back to your breath and mantra.

You can do this meditation for as long or short a period as you like. It can be helpful to set a timer so you don’t have to wonder how long you’ve been at it.

As with cannabis, start low and go slow. At the beginning, a minute or two will seem like plenty of time. As you get more familiar with the practice, you can extend your sessions a minute or two at a time.

Whether you’re sitting for one minute, 5 minutes, 20 minutes, or an hour, remember the most important thing is you’re doing it. Every time you notice you’re thinking and bring your attention back to your breath and your mantra is a Meditation Win!

Photos by Sage Friedman and Greg Rakozy on Unsplash